Tonight, He Feels Truly Alone
by Murayama-Tsuru
Summary: Soon after they lose the war, they are forced to flee as to not get caught. He flees to a sadly nostalgic place and reflects on the things he's lost, feeling alone for the first time in a long time.


**Hey guys Murayama Tsuru here. I bring to you a one shot about Katsura. I wrote this because I needed to write something that had nothing to do with school because my finals are officially over. Also, I reread a story called **_**Tonight, I Can Write **_**by an amazing author on this site by the name of Tsusami. You should all go read it, it's a fairly sad story, but it's really good. Well, anyway, here's my oneshot.**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama; it belongs to Sorachi Hideaki-Sensei.**_

That day they were forced to flee, to abandon the cause they had fought so hard for. It was a day he had hoped would never come. A day he so desperately didn't want, that he had prayed to the gods that he had given up believing in a long time ago to make sure that they wouldn't be separated. But, either the gods hadn't heard his prayers or they ignored them, because that day came anyway. They lost the war and the Bakufu labeled them as traitors.

That day, the day of their separation, Katsura had made a speech. He felt he had to; he had to speak for those who were dead and those who were still alive. He didn't want to abandon the comrades he'd fought so hard with, but he was left with no choice. So he spoke, he told them to be safe, to run like hell if the police were about to catch them. He hadn't found it a very good speech; it didn't bolster any morale, or encourage fighting spirit.

But those who heard it seemed to be moved. Many came up to him after he was done to say goodbye, tears shining in their eyes. Many had turned their heads away before he was done, their emotions overwhelming them. The only person not moved was Takasugi; he just looked weary and apathetic, like he wished this would all just go away. The only goodbye Katsura had received from the Kiheitai leader was a nod, no words of farewell; no 'I hope to see you soon'. And so, they all scattered to the distant corners of their world, not to see each other again for a long, long time.

Later, Katsura found himself in the place that was his hometown long ago. It was probably the worst place to hide from police looking for the traitor Katsura Kotaro. But he didn't care, he went there anyway. He eventually found himself in the burned out, pathetic hull of a school that was once so magnificent.

He sat down in the place that he thought his desk had been located a long time ago. He sat there staring at the washed-out, grey ashes that used to be where he would write down Shouyou-sensei's lectures. He sat there thinking of all the people he'd lost. As he sat there in what once was the place he spent his youth, the sorrow that had been sitting inside him, all but forgotten, bubbled up and out.

The tears started slowly at first, as far between drops, as he thought about the teacher he would never see again. They grew steadier as he thought of the comrade he had lost to the Amanto. He choked back a sob as he thought of Sakata Gintoki leaving. He gave up trying to contain any noise as he the realization that they had actually lost the war hit him like a hammer.

He sat there as evening turned to night, realizing that he was alone for the first time in a very long time. He had always had his comrades to check whatever negative emotion he might show. In front of them, he had to be an emotional rock because, after all, he was their leader, in some way. But now that there was no one he had to act in front of, there was nothing holding him back.

He didn't know how long he sat there crying. All he knew was that the tears just wouldn't stop. They just coming, as if some sort of dam that had been there since his precious teacher's death had broken. But somehow, after the long stream of emotion was spent, he fell asleep. He knew this because the next thing he remembered was waking up, his eyes red and puffy, cheek down in the ashes.

He sat up, blinked, and rubbed his eyes, feeling very tired and emotionally spent despite having slept deeply. He blinked again and then his ears perked at the sound of close by voices.

"Mr. Police-man, I'm telling you that wanted criminal is in there!" came the voice of what sounded like a child

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like anyone has been in here for a long time." An older man's voice replied, sounding disbelieving that a child would know the whereabouts of a wanted criminal

"There hasn't! But, my mommy said she saw a man with long, black hair come in here yesterday."

Katsura didn't stay to hear the rest of the conversation. He got up as quietly as he could and padded out of the back of she burned out school building. Once he thought he was far enough away, he ran like hell as far as he could, the previous night's tears all but forgotten at that burned down desk.

**And that is the end. I know it was kinda sad, but that's how I feel at 11:46 PM a few nights before I get to go home for winter break. I have to admit, I'm a little tired of this place now that my finals are over. Even though I don't mind school so much now that I'm in college, I'm really ready to go home. On a random note, you should all go vote on my poll ^_^…Wow, that was really random. As always, if you guys like please leave a review, I always love to know what you guys think. See you next time, guys.**

**-Murayama Tsuru**


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